Christianity / Five Minute Friday / grace / Parenting / Uncategorized

Here

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She pulls her bike up off the ground with all her 5 year old determination can manage. It’s her third fall of the day. Pink streamers cascade off her handlebars reflecting the sweet condition of her heart.

She gets up and tries again, pedaling with no destination, just to be here. Her brother rides confidently far ahead, almost out of sight. Still, she sets her gaze on this goal, undaunted. Ready.

I’m pushing our 2 year old in the baby jogger and I have sped up so she can follow me. I’m enjoying the faster pace. The breeze feels warm, refreshing against our salty faces.

Behind me,  she loses her balance again. She skids and falls into the tall grass off the trail and the bike topples over her.

I slow down and glance back. As she wiggles out from under her bike I can see in her courage deflated, her soul bruised.

She fights back tears, discouragement beginning to take over.  I can see her resigning herself to “I can’t do it.” I leave the stroller and quickly walk back to her.

“Mommy,” she cries out, tears now flowing, “why aren’t you here?”

I think back to all those times I’ve not been there. When she’s asked me, “Can we play dolls?” “No, not right now sweetie, I’m cooking dinner.” “Mommy, can we do an art project?” “No, not right now honey, I’m helping your brother.” And I’ll she’s really needed is me to be present with her.  To be here.

How many times do I let the time pass and moments fade before I realize what I’ve missed, to risk that when these short years are over I would look back and be a dollar short and a day late.

No, this pain in her is more than one fall. She needs me to be here, not just to meet physical needs but to nurture her soul, to show her Jesus, to show her imperfect is perfectly perfect. Grace is always enough. He’s all we need.

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“I am here,” I said softly and picked her up off the grass and hugged her discouraged shoulders. The frustration in me was only pain. Not just the scrape on her leg, but one on her heart.

I stand up and lift that bike up with all my mama determination to be all she needs right now from me.

I know this is more than a season. It’s a calling. To spend myself on her, to pour my own life out to fill her. This is not a second rate calling. This is not a second best ministry. She and her brothers are my ministry, my front lines, my heart outside my body bleeding love, bleeding joy and pain.

And He bled His heart for me, His daughter. Always here, always present, always loving.

And this imperfect love wrapped in grace is a reflection of the perfect love of the father. A parent’s love is powerful, enough to stunt or nurture a child out from our womb and into the world in eighteen short years. We need grace.

It feels like all the time in the world, yet never enough. Just one more moment, one more hug, one more nighttime story.

One more chance to grab hold of grace, to spend it well, to be here, present with her.

Five Minute Friday is a feature over at Lisa-Jo Bakers TALES FROM A GYPSY MAMA blog.

So, let’s do this thing. Let’s write.

Set your timer, clear your head, for five minutes of free writing without worrying about getting it right.

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1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking.
2. Link back here and invite others to join in.
3. And then absolutely, no ifs, ands or buts about it, you need to visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them in their comments. Seriously. That is, like, the rule. And the fun. And the heart of this community..

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23 thoughts on “Here

  1. Love this – your daughter precious. Your children are blessed by you as their Mom.
    Thanks for sharing – and I’m totally jealous if you wrote that in 5 minutes! 🙂

    • So, I am on the west coast so I see the prompt on Thursday nights at 9 pm and have all night to think about it so when I sit down to write, I already have it kind of laid out in my head. Otherwise, no, it would be much longer than 5 minutes! I hope that’s not cheating, but I feel funny anyway posting Thursday night for a Friday post. Thank you for stopping in at my blog and for your encouragement. I’m heading to yours now. Blessings to you today!

    • It really is so special. I’m so thankful for a daughter….smashed in between her two brothers. She is so sweet, but being the second child, she can get overlooked pretty easily. She’s not the dominate first born and not the baby. BUT SHE’S A GIRL! So sweet. I love her and there really is something so special about that mother-daughter relationship. When we grow up, it’s our mom’s we want at our side to hold babies and go shopping with… at least for me! Thank you for stopping by my blog. Blessings to you!

    • I think it is probably the desire of every mother deep down, but so hard to always choose that. This is a good reminder for me too….and His grace is enough. Blessings to you!

  2. Love this one. So special and tender the love and relationship between mother and daughter. Christ’s love shines through.

  3. This is so lovely! And so true.

    How hard it is to be “here” truly here for our children. I was thinking of that this morning as I looked around my messy house and how far behind I was on…just about everything. But I chose to be here with them too. To dance and be wild.

    And it’s not a choice we regret, is it?

    • It is so funny that but is exactly what I was feeling before I wrote this. It’s like we have all these responsibilities that we need to take care of whether that be work, school, laundry, diapers, dinners, etc. and we can’t just ignore responsibility, but I have been thinking to myself lately that it is TOO easy to choose to get wrapped up in the tyranny of the urgent to “get everything done” and we can miss time with our kids that we really won’t ever regret. I have never regretted giving them PB&J for dinner or waiting a day to fold laundry (which you can tell from the piles that are usually on my floor), but I have laid my head down to bed at night and regretted that day not stopping to play dolls or throw the football or play a game….too many times. I’m reminding myself today to be “here” as much as possible. Blessings to you and that beautiful young child of yours!

  4. Yes. I have often felt this way with my own children. There are times when life happens, and in reality, they do need to wait. We do need to cook dinner and do the things necessary to care for them. But sometimes I define “necessary” too broadly. I fail to stop and be present and be here with them when I should.

    Also, did you really write all this in 5 minutes? You are a faster writer than me! 😉 I’m impressed.

    • You are so right. We can’t just ignore our responsibilities, nor do I want self-centered kids that think the world revolves around them. But you are so right, sometimes I have also defined “necessary” a little too broadly. Sometimes responsibilities can wait and we usually never regret those moments and minutes or hours we take out to spend with our kids, especially when they need us. For me, it is really using discernment on when those moments are. I have to be honest, I’ve felt the nudge from the Holy Spirit a few times and kept doing the laundry or dishes when I really should have paused and been with one of my little ones. This is a good reminder for me today too. As for how long it took me to write it, it was probably closer to 6 minutes because I wanted to finish my thought. I am one of those super planned writers that knows what I’m going to say before I type a single word…and I’m on the west coast so I get the prompt at 9:01PM thursday nights and don’t post until Friday. I usually have thought about it quite a bit. Also, I used to be an Executive Assistant before kids which required freakishly fast typing, like a manaic. (Not that I’m proud of this strange talent. I really think it is a little quirky and I can think of a million other things I’d rather be good at.) Blessings to you!

  5. i dont have many words to respond to this, because the one word i’ve said over and over while reading, in hushed tones, is wow. wow. wow.

    She needs me to be here, not just to meet physical needs but to nurture her soul, to show her Jesus, to show her imperfect is perfectly perfect. Grace is always enough. He’s all we need….. wow.

    know this is more than a season. It’s a calling. To spend myself on her, to pour my own life out to fill her. This is not a second rate calling. This is not a second best ministry. She and her brothers are my ministry, my front lines, my heart outside my body bleeding love, bleeding joy and pain…. wow.

    And He bled His heart for me, His daughter. Always here, always present, always loving… wow wow wow…

    • You are ways such an encourager to me. I so often feel that way about what YOU write and I leave feeling inspired, full of faith, full of Jesus. I feel like we are blogger friends and I have to say that I am so thankful to be making a friend and like minded sister in Christ on the other side of the world through the blogosphere. Thankful for you today!!!!!

    • Oh and one more thing that I’m sure you can relate to….the reason I say this is not a second rate calling or ministry is because I really do love being involved in ministry. I love preaching and teaching. I love pouring into women and Bible study. I love leading and being involved in leadership. These things bring life to me. But I have to remind myself that there is grace and my kids are my first priority and ministry and this is the best ministry. Blessings to you again! So appreciate you!

  6. Great post and so true! Where ever God has us, whatever he has us doing right now that is his present ministry for us and it’s not second rate. Not that we shouldn’t prepare for the future or think beyond now. But that all we do should be done with our whole hearts!
    Being a mom is important. Our kids are eternal beings and what we do with them has eternal implications! To all mothers out there…what you’re doing is important! Take heart!

  7. Beautiful writing, the call to motherhood should never be taken lightly, oh the lessons we learn thru them…love esp pic of the 3 children together. And also what Adriatic Heart said. Peace.

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